How To Be Fired
Employee: Jeez Boss, isn't this bimbo a little young for you?
Boss: This is my daughter.
Employee: You're dating your bimbo daughter?!
I'm not afraid to admit that I've done this...
mylifeisaverage: Today I found out that if I stay in my seat and clap at the light, someone in the room will get up and turn the light on to shut me up. MLIA.
Women + Sports = Awesome
laforever: missmeliimel: I love sports, it’s that simple. I love having ESPN on and watching the highlights. I like laughing whenever announcers get into a debate especially in shows like Pardon the interruption. Growing up, I got used to watching my brother and father spend their hours in front of the TV watching whatever sport was on. I never really knew what the big deal was, I was too...
Day 21— An animal
Dear Mr. Porcupine, You shy guy, I see you with my little eye. I see you lurking there on the periphery of my vision. But when I try to look at you, you scurry away. Are you shy, Mr. Porcupine? Why only when I ignore you, do you return to my side? Oh, Mr. Porcupine, it’s alright. You are forgiven.
FML for the day.
fmylife: Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad’s new girlfriend’s ex-husband. FML Now that’s G…reatly screwed up.
Never Trust A...
and a because is
Step on a crack, breath your mother’s back. Turn around and smoke the...– Bo Burnham
fmylife: Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML I just hope it ended like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNILUwC9RUs
So apparently this happens.
fmylife: Today, I went to work, and everyone was staring at me. Confused, I remember that I was fired yesterday. FML How do you forget that happened?!
Day 19— Songs you listen to when you are Happy,...
Contrary to popular belief, I express emotions. I’m usually in a happy/chill mood. Every now and again, something will get me sad. I’m sometimes bored. Hyped during certain moments. However, it takes a good deal to make me legitimately mad (please don’t take that as a challenge). I can’t even remember the last time I was angry. So here are some songs that I listen to when...
Day 18— Your favorite outfit/fashion statement
In case you didn’t know, my swagger is angrily fresh. If you knew me before I decided to upgrade U myself, you’re probably scratching your head so vigorously at this statement that you hit bone. So get some bandages and antiseptic because you don’t want that to get infected. So what is my style? I am not a hipster, despite what a decent number of people ask me, but rather I...
Day 17— What you think about your friends
It’s really ridiculous how long it’s been since I started this. I mean, I knew I probably wasn’t going to do this for 30 days straight, but DAMN. I’m on extra CP-time. Anyway, I’m back and Black like AC/DC. What? That’s not how the song goes? Oh. Any Doogie Howser, here we go: My Dearest Friends, Each and everyone of you are special to me in your own...